Family Well-Being from a Parent’s Perspective: Investing in Personal Transformation
By: Valerie Frost
When we talk about helping families, we often focus on tools, trainings, and systems. But rarely do we ask: Who is the helper? What stories do they carry? What healing have they done, or still need to do? And what happens when our unhealed parts lead us to cause harm, even as we try to do good?
This is the heart of personal transformation. And it’s a conversation we urgently need to have.
According to research, social workers have some of the highest rates of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) of any helping profession. Steen et al. (2020) found that licensed social workers averaged 2.1 ACEs, and nearly 24% reported four or more. The very people tasked with supporting others often enter the field with unprocessed trauma of their own. That’s not a weakness; it’s human. But it becomes unsustainable when we do the outward work of supporting families without doing the inner work of self-reflection, self-awareness, and healing.
Too often, the helping professions reward outward performance over inner clarity. Caseworkers may move quickly to assessments, safety plans, and compliance checklists, because that’s what the system trains us to do. But what’s harder to measure is the mindset we bring into a room. Our assumptions, ego, fear, and the need to be the one with the answers.
The truth is, it’s hard to genuinely support someone you don’t feel connected to. And too often, unspoken judgments shaped by our own experiences, biases, or stress, can create distance between professionals and the families they’re meant to serve.
Personal transformation isn’t a buzzword. It’s a discipline. And it asks hard things of us:
- To reflect on our own stories, not just others’
- To examine how power shows up in our decisions
- To listen to feedback without becoming defensive
- To see every parent not as a problem to fix, but a person to meet
This inner work is often hard, messy, and uncomfortable, and that’s okay. Self-compassion is essential as we navigate the challenges of growth, allowing us to be patient with ourselves while we strive to do better.
One powerful example of this kind of transformation comes from Dr. Jessica Pryce, a former child protective services caseworker and one of the leading voices reimagining the system from within. In her book, Broken: Transforming Child Protective Services, she shares a personal reckoning with her role in a system that often causes more harm than healing.
Rather than offering a top-down critique, Pryce invites professionals into what she calls the Agent–Advocate–Activist journey. This framework helps workers move from simply carrying out policies (Agent), to advocating for what’s right within their roles (Advocate), and ultimately to challenging and transforming unjust systems (Activist).
It’s not about prescribing a path. It’s about offering a mirror.
Something I learned from Dr. Pryce is that real transformation begins not with better forms, but with better questions. Here are just a few:
- What assumptions am I bringing into this space?
- What parts of my own story still need healing?
- When have I caused harm, even unintentionally?
- Am I open to being changed by someone else’s truth?
Personal transformation doesn’t happen in isolation. Just like parenting, it is fundamentally relational. Dr. Pryce herself went through this kind of transformation. Not just to write this book, but again through the process of listening deeply and building real relationships with mothers impacted by the system. That closeness changed her, and it shows in every story she shares.
We need spaces that allow us to reflect, be held accountable, and grow together. We need to stop “othering” those in pain and instead lead with shared humanity, where professionals and parents alike are seen as full, complex, evolving people.
Because the truth is, some of the deepest harm in child welfare is done not by people with bad intentions, but by good people who haven’t done the inner work.
So here’s the challenge, and the invitation:
If you’re in this field because you care, start by looking inward.
If you lead others, create space for reflection and healing.
If you’re in a position of power, examine how you’re using it.
The transformation of systems begins with the transformation of self.
The mother pictured here is one of the women featured in Dr. Pryce’s book. To learn more about her story, you can read this article: A Mother Lost Both Her Children to Durham’s Department of Social Services. She Didn’t Stand a Chance Against NC’s Child Welfare System.
This blog is part of a series connected to the Community In-Site podcast, where we explore stories and lessons from the growing family well-being movement. To hear more, visit ThrivingFamiliesSaferChildren.org.
This project was funded by the Annie E. Casey Foundation. We thank them for their support and acknowledge that the opinions and conclusions presented in the blogs are those of its authors alone, and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Foundation.
